Friday, July 31, 2009

Tunnel Vision

I have a theory about pregnancy and childbirth. I believe that from the moment those two little pink lines show up, a lady comes down with a nasty case of tunnel vision.

It's true. It's as if before you got knocked up, you had a broad perspective of the world. Then, as your belly grows, your vision just gets narrower and narrower. By the time you hit your due date, your brain can't focus on anything but getting that baby out. Then, when you are pushing and grunting there isn't even a world outside of that hospital room. The world as you knew it before you had a baby ceases to exist.

After the baby arrives, it's as if the entire universe just suddenly landed in your arms. All of your time and energy goes into keeping that baby alive. The thought of leaving your house with the baby is terrifying and all you want to do is curl up into your bed and gaze at that baby all day long. You study every inch of that infant and let the machine pick up if the telephone rings. Who needs friends when you have this amazing new creature to love on? You are exhausted and hormonal and cry without even realizing that the tears are falling. Essentially, you are insane and holed up in your house with the sweats and leaky boobs. There is no world out there. All you can see is your new bundle of joy. the baby thrives you start to wake up a little bit. You remember to take a shower. You might even change your clothes. While the baby naps, you start to return phone calls. Then, your vision broadens a little bit. It's as if you rub your eyes and see outside your window for the first time ever. Oh...there is a world out there. A world that you used to function in just fine before that sweet baby came along and gave you tunnel vision. You poke your head out cautiously and then retreat back to your safe haven.

I believe that you spend the next year getting a wider perspective of the world. Your vision slowly gets bigger and bigger. By the time your little booger is blowing out the candle at their first birthday party, you are right as rain. All tunnel vision corrects itself and you are good as new.

Maybe on a primitive level, tunnel vision happens to mothers so that they will focus on the baby until it shows signs that it is going to thrive. It's just crazy to feel so primal.

Well, I woke up the other day and realized that my tunnel vision was correcting itself a bit.

Everyday something new is ignited in me.

Dare I say, I'm almost feeling like myself again?


Carolyn said...

I've got a long tunnel ahead of me....

Great theory ;)

I did see your comment back to me, and for some reason i thought I had written you since then. whoops...i blame it on the tunnel vision (you understand right ;)

Erin Bennett Jenkins said...

i love your tunnell vision photo. it's so cute. koen is getting more and more like a little boy, huh? he has his own cute look that is still totally your's and Roger's baby. i love him so much!!