Well, yesterday my good intentions ran out and I spazzed out. Griffin started to walk casually behind Rosie the big huge horse (reason #2 they are scary-they might kick the crap out of you if you walk behind them) as his instructor had her back turned to him.
Suddenly this image flashed in my mind
I freaked out! My mama heart exploded in my chest and before I could stop myself, I screamed at the top of my lungs "GRIFFIN, NO, STOP!" I screamed as if he was about to walk in front of oncoming traffic. Griffin jumped, the horse jerked, and his instructor looked up in shock. Instant tears came flowing from my little boy's eyes as he held his chest and caught his breath. "You scared me mom!" he whimpered. "I'm afraid of Rosie, I wanna go home!"
His instructor swooped in and comforted him and assured him that Rosie was sweet and that he had nothing to fear. I felt like an idiot. I felt like an asshat as I stood there watching my son fall apart because of me. I wanted to comfort him.
I was ejected from the barn. Ms. Jacki said "Mommy is going to go take a little walk and meet us down at the ring in a few minutes." I was ostracized from the stables. I took my walk of shame and almost started crying. Luckily, I pulled it together and by the time they walked toward me for the lesson, I was all fake smiles and over enthusiasm.
Griffin recovered pretty quickly from my outburst but processed it throughout the entire lesson.He grabbed a plastic frog that they use in the training and said "Never stand behind a frog or thay will kick you!" Then he'd hit himself in the head with the frog. He said the same thing about butterflies and puppy dogs.
"Great" I thought to myself, "I've ruined the entire animal kingdom for him!"
When we got in the car to leave, I told Griffin how silly mommy was for yelling like that and that sometimes mommies do that because they love their kids so much. He let me save face and said "I wasn't scared cause you yelled mom, I was scared because I was thinking about skeletons."
You know what though? I never have to worry about Griffin walking behind a horse ever. I put the fear of God in him. Sometimes, as a Mom, I guess that you just have to act like an a-wad and get ejected from the barn. I'll do whatever it takes to keep my kid out of harm's way!