I've come down with a nasty case of Mylifeistooinsaneitus

You read that right. I've caught a bug and I've self diagnosed this affliction to be Mylifeistooinsaneitus. Okay, I just made that particular illness up but if it were a real disease then I would have it. I literally feel like I am slowly going insane these days. I've narrowed it down to a few causative agents in my life that could be causing my horrible symptoms. These symptoms include irritability, loss of intelligence, and drooling. The factors are...

1. My oldest child had tubes put in his ears a few years ago. They have since fallen out and are currently lodged behind a huge wad of wax in his ear that not even the ENT could get out. Apparently, every night when we shove ear plugs into his ears to keep water from getting in there during his bath, we have been smooshing wax deeper and deeper into his ear. Now he can hardly hear out of his left ear. The ENT managed to dig out enough wax out of his right ear so that he is not totally deaf but if you are standing on his left side you may as well be talking to a brick wall. This causes him to say "Whatdyasay?" all day long. I then have to raise my voice as of I am speaking to an old lady at an old folks home. We look crazy, especially at the grocery store when I am screaming things like "I SAID WE JUST NEED TO GRAB SOME TOILET PAPER AND THEN WE WILL BE DONE!" or "NO, YOU CAN"T GET THAT HOT WHEELS, NOW GO PUT IT BACK!" People must think that I'm verbally abusing my child. Thank God he will get his ears cleaned on December 28th. I am counting down the days because all of this repeating myself and shouting is making me nuts!

2. My house looks like a Montessori bomb hit the living room. Much to my chagrin, our living room is also the playroom. Our house is a long ol' Ranch style home and it just makes sense to have the kids play area be in the living room instead of way at the other end of the house. This means that I spend much of my day tripping over half finished experiments and various toys that sing when I walk past them. At the end of the day when I plop my lazy bones onto my big red couch I am surrounded by crap. It makes me crazy!

3. My oldest child walks like he is stuck in molasses. I am all about taking the time to let my child explore his world. I'm even willing to stop and let him poke a stick into a hole or stand and marvel at a leaf as we walk to the car before school. Yet lately, between his deaf ears and his even slower feet, I feel as if I spend much of my time waiting for him. I've gone limp because otherwise I end up either screaming things like "COME ON SLOWPOKE! CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME?" or I drop my arms to my side and look up and with a stiff body just like my Dad used to do to me when I was an annoying kid. It sucks when you become just like your parents.

4. I have 2 kids. I love it that I am a Mom to two kids but I have to admit that it can make me bonkers. Why is it 5 times more work but there are only 2 of them? Everything that I need to achieve has at least 10 steps that must be taken before the task is complete. Dropping my son off at school every morning takes forever. Getting both of them dressed, bundled up, packed up, placed in each proper safety seat, situated, driven to school, removed from said safety seat, walked to the classroom, backpack placed in cubby, walked to the playground, kissed goodbye, then back to the car with the baby who is then put back into his car seat, driven home, and promptly put down for a nap. Whew...by 9:00 am I am a zombie from all that damn work.

5. My brain has fallen out of my head. Oh yes, I am my also a major factor in my insanity. I annoy myself all day long. I'll grab the car keys but then realize that the baby needs a diaper change before we leave. I'll put down the car keys and change his sweet little booty. Come back into the living room and completely blank out as to where I put my keys. Then I panic and start tossing around toys and unfolded laundry to look for my keys. I get really annoyed with myself when I discover that I put them in the lock on the door. This happens all day long with various items that I set down and then manage to lose within a matter of minutes.

Okay...I'm done bitchin'

Thanks for listening to my self diagnosis.
I suppose that all of these factors just come with the territory of being a mom.
I should be thankful for my insane life.
I am going to self prescribe a glass of wine and a foot rub from my husband.