Friday, November 26, 2010

Leigh vs. Coca-Cola Cake : A battle of epic proportions

Roger was really tired the night before Thanksgiving. I decided to help him out by getting started on baking the famous Coca-cola cake that he had volunteered to make for the family Thanksgiving feast. It was his night to bedtime with Griffin and I could tell that he was exhausted. Besides, I had had a few successful baking experiences recently, so I was feeling confident and capable. I grabbed our trusty recipe and felt smug as I mixed up all of the ingredients that I had fetched from the store that afternoon. I was even humming while I stirred in the Hershey's chocolate powder.

Roger came stumbling out of Griffin's room with a halo of sleepy hair. He always falls asleep when he does bedtime with Griffin and emerges looking like a zombie. This night was no exception but when he discovered that I had already put the cake in the oven to cook, he suddenly perked up. I felt like such a good wife as I washed the bowl and spoons that I had just used as Roger set to the task of putting away the ingredients for me.

As he cleared the counter, he grabbed the jug of Buttermilk and remarked about the fact that it was low-fat Buttermilk. Apparently, with a cake as delicious as this one, you need Whole Buttermilk to make it so gooey and yummy. He had never made it with the low-fat crap so the fate of the cake was unknown. I instantly felt like a failure in the kitchen and after a heated debate about if the cake in the oven would be tasty, I left for Kroger to fetch more Buttermilk to make a whole new cake, I insisted.

So, I trudged out with the procrastinators of the world and waltzed into Kroger at 9 pm. Let me tell you, it was a madhouse. Once I was in the dairy department, I realized that they only carried low-fat Buttermilk. I even tracked down an unsuspecting stock boy to search for the right Buttermilk. He was no help so I left Kroger in a huff and headed over to Publix.

At this point, I was convinced that Roger was crazy and that there was no such thing as a Whole Buttermilk. I scanned the dairy department and could only find low-fat kind. I was exhausted and it was getting late so I almost started crying. A sweet stock girl saw me tearing up and offered to help. She finally found gourmet Whole Buttermilk in the back. Thank God because I was about to lose my mind.

Knowing that I still had to go home to bake a whole new cake at 10:00 pm, I stopped at the liquor store to get a bottle of Bailey's to put in my coffee while I whipped up the new cake. I may be dumb but I'm not stupid. In fact, one could even argue that I'm a genius when liquor is concerned. I might have grabbed some Peppermint Schnapps too. In a snit, I drove home knowing that the only saving grace for my evening was the fact that I was walking in the house with booze in hand.

Once I found myself settled in the kitchen to bake, I reached up in the cupboard for some coffee to make my adult libation. Guess what? We were out of coffee. Roger looked scared as he walked into the kitchen and saw my face. I slammed doors and pouted and demanded that he pour me a huge glass of Bailey's over ice. He complied and then I told him to scram because I was my own worst enemy and I didn't want him to witness me drowning my sorrows in Bailey's and cake mix. He backed away slowly and left me in my shame. I would take a sip of my drink and then lick the spoon with chocolate batter as I cried.

By the time the cake was done I was drunk and had a tummy ache. This will be the last year that I offer to make that damn cake. Even if the second one came out perfect and was scrumptious.

The End.

For those of you who are keeping track...

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10 comments:

Homesteadgirl said...

You are delightful. I wish we were neighbours. OF COURSE you had to stop for booze...how else to survive the holidays?? Have a wonderful weekend. I'm a bit of a whole foods type but am actually thinking of making your Coca Cola cake...with WHOLE buttermilk, of course!

R Montalban said...

Well done you for baking it again. What happened to the first one that was baking? How did it fair with the second one - am I the only one wondering!!!

Andrea said...

Sounds like "LOTS" of fun!
Blessings,
andrea

Mother Theresa said...

I think the scoreboard is wrong. After all that, you are definitely the winner. Hands down. Anyone who would go through all that to make the perfect cake deserves at least 10 points...and a nice cocktail as well. And do tell us how the first one came out, just out of curiosity.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

Yikes. Thank God the liquor store was open.

You're a better woman than I am. I would have used the lowfat kind anyway and hoped for the best. Of course, I have been known to substitute blueberry Greek yogurt for sour cream when baking. *shrugs*

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

This story could totally be a great 1960s rock ballad. I cab see the video now!;)
Seriously, I want to try this recipe---and note to self: i must find whole buttermilk! How did the low-fat version turn out?

Sue said...

I always use low-fat buttermilk when I bake, and it turns out fine.

But maybe you don't want to hear that right now...

;)

PS. You really went above and beyond the call of duty on tis one. Impressive.

Rob-bear said...

OOOPS! When you decide to have a misadventure, you have giant one.

Condolences.

Somehow, though, I don't think it was, "Leigh 0 — Coca-cola Cake 1." More like "Leigh 0 — Bailey's … "

On second thought, we won't go there.

Mike S said...

Actually, there may be a specialty item called whole buttermilk, but there could never be any such thing as whole buttermilk. Buttermilk is, by definition, low fat. It's made by separating the fat from cream in the butter making process. In fact I have never seen anything called whole buttermilk, although I'm sure someone makes it; it's apparently pretty rare. If you really need such a strange thing, you can just use regular low fat buttermilk and replace part of the volume with half and half; maybe even let it sit out for a little while to sour up more.

Mike S said...

Actually, there may be a specialty item called whole buttermilk, but there could never be any such thing as whole buttermilk. Buttermilk is, by definition, low fat. It's made by separating the fat from cream in the butter making process. In fact I have never seen anything called whole buttermilk, although I'm sure someone makes it; it's apparently pretty rare. If you really need such a strange thing, you can just use regular low fat buttermilk and replace part of the volume with half and half; maybe even let it sit out for a little while to sour up more.