Thursday, September 26, 2013

Throwback Thursday :: How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Pumpkin

Originally posted 08/18/11

So I got all smarty pants yesterday and for some reason
decided that I wanted to start
a new "How to" series on my blog.

So here is the first in a series
of what will probably bereally bad ideas.

How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Pumpkin


Step 1: Drag your kids to Walmart (with good intentions).
While there you will need to pick up

*A pumpkin

*The cheapest black spray paint they have



*A Sharpie


Step 2: Tape a doily to the pumpkin.
At this point you should have high hopes
that a whimsical pattern will appear on the pumpkin.

Take a moment to feel super creative and smart.


Step 3: Spray paint the crap out of the doily.
Be sure to hold the spray paint can way too close to the pumpkin.

Also, let your fingers get in the way
of the paint as it sprays
so that you get a ton of smelly black paint
on your fingers and under your fingernails.

Start to feel unsure about your little project being successful.


Step 4: Remove the doily to uncover
what could be the ugliest pumpkin
ever to be created.

Flip pumpkin to other side
in an attempt to try again.

Repeat steps 2-4.

Step 5: Draw a face with a Sharpie
in an effort to fix the ugliness.

Accept that you just created a pumpkin that
looks like it has some sort of disease.

Give up dreams of being the next Martha Stewart.

1 comment:

Kearsie said...

This is how I ruin a perfectly good pumpkin:

1. Buy pumpkin
2. Set pumpkin on front doorstep as a nod to fall decor
3. Leave pumpkin for four months
4. Finally throw said pumpkin away, along with putrid rottenness and exploding seeds