give in

I love this image by Nikki Mcclure. It is a reminder to me. Lately I have been fighting with myself a bit. I don't know why...survival, I suppose.

There has been so much for me to fight.

My mom is gone, nestled away in Colorado, set to the task of helping my sweet brother rebuild a life for himself. Everyday presents a new challenge for them

So, I fought feeling sorry for myself that my security left with her. She is such a huge support to me.

I fought back tears every time we talked on the phone. I wanted to cry all over her and say "What about me? I'm 29 weeks pregnant and came down with flu and I fell and my septic tank broke and I miss you and I want you here with me to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

I fought it...because we are all just trying to survive and the last thing she needs to deal with is a crying pregnant woman. She carries so much every single day out of love for her son. He trumped me...fall and all, he needs her more. She is selfless and gives and gives and gives. So, I fought back my own needs.

Until yesterday, I gave in and cried all over her. It felt good and she loved me through it. After the last tear fell and we said our goodbyes, I felt instant relief.

So I am spending this week giving in to the things I have been fighting.

Like the fact that I have a cavity and it gives me a constant headache and I have fought taking Tylenol because I am knocked up. I talked to my midwife today about it and she said "You need to take that Tylenol, take it until you get that cavity filled. The baby will be fine."

I give in...2 Tylenol every 4-6 hours until next Tuesday when I see the dentist.

Even more relief.

This morning at 6:15 am, Griffin rolled on top of me and said "Let's get up!" Why fight it? Just give in and get out of bed and don't be surly about it, I thought to myself. We had a nice long relaxing morning together-no groggy surliness from me.

I give in.