Live list

I am knee deep in summer and trying my hardest to not just laze about. It's so hot here in Georgia, it's easy to just sit inside in the air conditioning and waste the day away. I was lucky enough to be inspired by a Blog called The Polished Pickle. Here is my live list or things I want to do this summer

*Go to the Athens Farmer's Market early one Saturday and buy fresh veggies
*Introduce my boys to bands like The Flaming Lips or The Shins
*Go out on a date with my husband and make out in the car
*Muster up all my courage and take pictures with my Holga
*Have a picnic with lots of fresh fruit, cheese, and wine
*Have a dance party with my long lost girlfriends.
*Take Griffin to swimming lessons
*Make homemade Popsicles
*Wear flowers in my hair
*Eat watermelon
*Accessorize
*Exercise
*Sleep

Why I love the grocery store

I find pleasure in simple tasks,
like going to the grocery store.
I've always loved it, even as a young child
my favorite day was when my Mom took us grocery shopping.

She would give me a list of all the items we needed
that were on the lower part of the shelf.
I felt so grown up as I tossed Macaroni and Cheese
into my own little plastic shopping cart.

You know the cart I'm talking about...
the one almost every little girl had in 1978.

Yup...that's the one!

Anyhoo...my love for the grocery store
shifted once I went to C0llege.
Whenever I was heartbroken or angst ridden
I would go to the grocery store.
Maybe it was the bright colors that cheered me up.
Maybe it was because it was a way for me
to be surrounded by people when I felt lonely.
For whatever reason, I really found comfort
in wandering aimlessly at my local Kroger.
I was a lost soul that took shelter
in the magazine aisle .

Now, as an adult, I still have a love for the grocery store.
I think that now it's because I am there
to nurture my family with my well
thought out purchases.
I love it because when it's hot outside
and we feel cooped up
I'll pack up the kids and go wander around
in the air conditioning and pick
out crap we don't need.
Like bubbles, magic markers, and Hot wheels.
It is instant entertainment for the hot and bored child.

Today my Mom stopped by and
I escaped to Kroger while she stayed home
with the boys.
It was like a day at the spa for me.
The luxury of selecting my groceries in silence
bewitched me and before I knew it,
I had snatched my camera
and taken a picture of a place
and time that I could call all my own.

Seeking inspiration

I found it in a young Maya Angelou

Just look at her!
She looks so damn cool.
Now, let's peek inside her brain...

The Lesson by Maya Angelou

I keep on dying again.
Veins collapse, opening like the
Small fists of sleeping
Children.
Memory of old tombs,
Rotting flesh and worms do
Not convince me against
The challenge. The years
And cold defeat live deep in
Lines along my face.
They dull my eyes, yet
I keep on dying,
Because I love to live.

Happy Birthday Stephanie!!!

I've never felt more connected to a stranger than I do
to the lovely Stephanie Nielson.
Her Blog, Nie Nie Dialogues , is beautiful and her story is even more amazing.
She and her husband were in a private plane crash last year.
They both survived it by some miracle
and she is now has burns on 80% of her body.
Today she turns 28 and although
I don't know her personally,
I am thrilled for her that she made it this far.

If you have some free time, check out her Blog.
Go to the archives and start reading from the begining.
You will fall in love with her and her sweet family.
I've shed many tears for her and
look forward to celebrating as she recovers.

Happy Birthday Nie...you are wonderful!

Motherhood

I had a very interesting experience recently. I discovered that a friend of mine has started a Blog that takes status updates from Facebook that parents write about their children and then she writes all of these smart ass comments about them. It's a brilliant idea really and tons of people are contributing their friend's status updates and letting my friend unleash her biting whit on them.

I joined in the fun and read entry after entry
and admittedly laughed my ass off
at some of the crazy stuff that these women
were blathering on and on about on Facebook.

Then I stumbled upon one of
MY own status updates on her Blog
and to top it all off, it was the first one.
I was flummoxed by this.

Suddenly the whole concept
just seemed nasty.
I instantly wanted to go take a shower
to wash off the fact that I had been
laughing at those other moms.
I felt dirty.

It was a crash course on compassion.

At the time, I had no idea that it was my friend's Blog
and I wanted to know who
was talkin' smack about
my overpriced organic baby products
so that I could get a voodoo doll
and stick pins in it in their honor.
I found out through a mutual friend
who it was and quickly simmered down.

After a series of mea culpas on her end,
all was forgiven
and I quickly moved on
from the potential drama.

It got me thinking though,
where would the world be without Mommies?
I mean, look at that little critter up there,
it wants it's mom.
I just want to hug it and squeeze it and call it George
but this is another example of how
I want to hug wild animals that would scratch my face off.

Anyway, I've been thinking about motherhood as of late.
The way that being a mother (especially a stay at home)
can take over your life.
People without children have no idea
how all consuming it is
to grow a child,
push it out,
and then help it thrive.

It seems like I am breastfeeding every other minute.
It seems like I am constantly preparing meals,
wiping butts, cleaning up spills, kissing boo boos,
wiping away tears, snuggling,
disciplining, swaddling, napping, etc.
every minute of every day.

Being a mom is the most selfless thing I have ever done.

I mean, I'm no Mother Teresa over here.
I have my moments of wanting
to just walk out the door,
belly up to some seedy bar,
and drink White Russians
until I fall on the floor.

I can't do that though, because
I have these two little wide eyed
creatures at home that need me.

So, how do us mothers relate
to the childless ladies out there?
I mean, I went 30 years without having a child
and could relate to just about anybody.
Why is it that from the moment
you poop that baby out,
the world changes for you?

I swore that I was not going to be
one of those women that has children
and then loses herself in motherhood.
Yet, that is what I am doing with my life right now.
I have 2 kids to keep alive
and try my hardest to
keep out of therapy when they grow up.
I actually have to pay attention to them and nurture them.

Gone are the days of curling up
on the couch with a fantastic book.
My literary standards have dropped,
I'm lucky if I get to read People magazine
while I'm on the crapper.

Maybe this makes me less interesting.
Perhaps I have become socially challenged
because I am no longer focusing on myself.

I'm not complaining though,
I wanted these kids and I love to take care of them.
It just made me pause for a moment
when I discovered my words on that Blog.

I had officially become one of THOSE moms.

Thank God I have yet
to buy a pair of "mom jeans" from Walmart.

That's where I draw the line!

my little tugboat

Famous floaties

I got a package in the mail yesterday from my darling Erin.
In it were gifts for my little family.
One gift was a pair of floaties with a Post it note stuck to them that read
"Actually worn by Ryan Reynolds in photo shoot"

She assisted for this shot and sent the prop my way.

Now Griffin is running around the house in them.
They are famous floaties!

Thanks Erin...you're the best!

Perfect in my imperfections

I am curious about this little diamond. I wonder if it feels shiny and pretty despite the fact that it is an imperfect diamond. I wonder it ever feels insecure about that one little spot that keeps it from being perfect.

I can relate!

Lately, I've been coming into myself a bit. I have forever had just a little bit of shame about the fact that I have to work so hard to be "domestic". It just doesn't come naturally for me to want to keep a clean home. I like my mess, I really do, but it's just not fair for my family to have to live in it too. So, I fight with my house constantly. I have an ongoing battle with the dishes, laundry, scattered toys, unmade beds, the list could go on and on.

I ruin dinner at least once a week.

Since having a, second child the list now extends to personal upkeep as well. I need a pedicure, my feet are shameful. My eyebrows haven't been waxed since before I gave birth. Sometimes, I go days without showering. I am the bottom of my own list.

There was a time in my life, even recently, that I didn't want the world to know what a mess I really am. Lately, I'm becoming more comfortable with my imperfections.

My house may not be perfect. My hair may not be perfect. I might have dirt under my fingernails half of the time. I love myself anyway. I've come to realize that I can be who I am without explanation. I don't need to strive to appear like I have it all together.

I am a haphazard mama who is learning to love my home instead of fight with it.

I am a shiny imperfect diamond.

Saturday night baking

I decided to bake a Pear Upside Down cake last weekend
because our good friends Christine and Ray
were coming to visit and I wanted to make
something to satisfy Christine's sweet tooth.

Well, knee deep into the mixing of ingredients
I realized that we were out of flour.
Much to my chagrin,
I headed out to the gas station to grab some.

It was 8:30 pm, I am never out in the world at that hour.
I took in the splendor of a summer evening as I drove.
When I got to the gas station it was packed.
There were girls all dressed up and
planning their evenings.

They were buying 6 packs of low calorie beer
and menthol cigarettes.
There were handsome young fellas
buying PBR and cigars.

There was a charge to the air.
A Saturday night energy.
Discussions of who was meeting where
and when buzzed around me
as I waited patiently with flour in hand to pay.

I caught myself riding their wave of energy.
I got excited to be out at that time of night.
It made me remember those fun summer nights.
Where you had no idea where the night was going to take you
but hoped that it would be the night of your life.

I looked down at the fancy shoes
on the well manicured feet of dolled up girls
and smiled.
I imagined that they had gotten ready together
sipping on cocktails and holding up
different outfits as they decided what to wear.

It took me back, it made me happy.

Then, I climbed into my SUV that had
2 empty car seats in the back
and high tailed it back home to bake my cake.

Later, as I stood in the kitchen and stirred the ingredients
I tried to imagine what those lucky girls were up to.

I was content though, to be at home
with my family and baking a cake for dear friends
on a Saturday night.

I've had more than one crazy Saturday night in my lifetime!

Disclaimer: This is not a picture of the actual cake that I made. I found this one on an image search on Google. My cake looked kinda messy and was a little dry, but it tasted yummy!

Butterfly Dreams Farm

The summer has made us listless.
There is too much time in the afternoons for
Griffin to get himself into trouble.
His teacher at school,
the lovely and talented Ms. Jacki,
had mentioned that she teaches theraputic horseback riding.
I gave her a call and it turns out that
she is teaching out at Butterfly Dreams Farm.

We took Griffin out for his first lesson and he loved it!

I must add that I am terrified of horses.
I went to a birthday party when I was 5
and there was a horse for us to ride.

On the way to the party,
my mom was trying to educate me about horses.
"They know if you're scared." she told me,
"and don't stand behind them
because they'll get spooked and kick you!"

What a cruel creature, I thought to myself.
A huge animal that can read my mind and
kick me cause I'm scared and it's scarring him.
It was all too much for my little brain to process.

Then when I saw the horse, his eyes were glaring.
I got scared and I knew that he knew that I was scared.
My heart started to beat
THUMP THUMP THUMP

Then I ran away.

I've never been on a horse.

So, I was a brave Mom yesterday
and took my son to ride on Joey the horse.
Afterall, it's about Griffin, not me
and my hang ups.

I chose not to tell him any details about horses.
I would let Ms. Jacki handle that.

He had no fear.
It was a beautiful thing,
him walking up to this huge horse
as if they had been friends his entire life.

I only freaked out a little bit.
On the inside.

Blog Swap

My old friend Alice Lamb and I are switching it up today. She invited me to be a guest on her Blog, which is an amazing collection of lists. I told her on one condition, if she made a list for me.

You can check out my post on her Blog here.

Alice and I went to high school together. We were both in the creative writing club and on the staff of the school's literary magazine. I always thought that Alice was a clever girl. She's one of the few people in this world that is original.

Without further ado...here is her list.

10 Things I Imagine About Motherhood

1. I imagine that motherhood has a lot of parallels to pet ownership: you get used to cleaning up puke and poop, and start saying things like, "THIS is why we can't have nice things."

2. I bet it's a lot of fun when they're so young that get to dress them however you want.

3. I can't imagine waking up early enough to get the kid(s) dressed and off to school on time.

4. It must be pretty cool when you get to explain things that we take for granted, like what a dream is, or gravity.

5. There have got to be a lot of moments that are both disconcerting and exciting: like when your kid learns stuff that you didn't teach him/her.

6. I wonder what kids who have awesome parents choose to rebel against.

7. I wonder what it's like to share your body with another human being for so many months.

8. I think I'll like the snuggly phase of motherhood most of all.

9. I imagine that the most trying part of motherhood is when your kid(s) get old enough to point out the flaws in your personality... and they're right.

10. On the other hand, I imagine that one of the most rewarding things about motherhood is that, if you play your cards right, someday, you will be able to converse with your child on an equal level... and that you will learn as much from him/her as he/she learned from you.

My evening from 5:15 pm to 6:01 pm

5:15 preheat oven

5:15-5:23 Help Griffin look for Darth Vadar action figure, find it under the couch.

5:24 Put ham in oven that my dad bought at Kroger on sale, set timer for 15 minutes.

5:24-5:36 breastfeed Koen on the couch, try to keep Griffin from jumping on my head.

5:36-5:38 listen to Griffin beg me to make him chicken nuggets while Koen nurses.

5:38-5:40 take ham out of oven, put french fries in oven, put corn on the stove, put Griffin's chicken nuggets in the microwave, put pacifier in Koen's mouth because he is screaming to nurse on the other boob.

5:42 Set timer for 10 minutes, put Griffin's food on a plate, grab Koen, deliver Griffin his meal that he eats on the couch while watching Arthur on PBS.

5:42-5:54 nurse Koen

5:54 turn off timer that beeped nonstop while I let Koen finish nursing, put garlic toast in oven, burp koen

5:55 cleaned up Griffin's spilled drink on the couch...while holding Koen.

5:59 get food out of oven, slap it on a plate, throw it on the table.

6:00 Roger walks in the door, home from a long day of work.

6:01 Pour myself a glass of wine and eat dinner.

Not the most glamorous 46 minutes of my life...
but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Unless I could have a live in maid, chef, and nanny.

Daydreaming

Sometimes, I catch myself gazing off into space and daydreaming about a glorious meal. One of those meals where the atmosphere is perfect, the company is right, the alcohol is flowing, and the food is mind blowing.

It must be at the beach where the ocean breeze cools my skin as I take each succulent bite. The drinks should really be tropical and full of rum. I want to stuff my face with seafood and then laze about on the beach , listening to waves and maybe laying in a hammock under the stars.


I want to wake up in the morning without a hangover.

So, come along on a fantasy meal with me.
Here are my top picks for my dream meals.

The Caves in Negril, Jamaica

Dine in an oceanfront gazebo,
at a hand-crafted stone table under the stars at the cliff’s edge,
or reserve a private cave,
strewn with fresh bougainvillea petals
and lit by candlelight, for that really special occasion….

Esperanza Resort in Los Cabos

Showcasing ingredients
from local farmers and fishermen,
EsperanzaÕs inspired cuisine will constantly
delight and surprise you throughout your stay.

Chateau Eza, on the Cote D' Azur
A Michelin-starred restaurant, tucked away in one of
the most enchanting locations on the Côte d' Azur
that clings to the side of the ancient rock walls of Eze,
a thousand-year-old medieval village
more than 400 metres above the Mediterranean Sea.

Okay, I admit that I discovered these
magical restaurants when I was watching
the Travel Channel.

I'll take whatever I can get these days.

My brain is seeping out of my ears!

This was my big event today...I put this thing together with Griffin
and I did it without instructions.

My nerves are shot!

I'm a little worried about my current mental capacity.
It is designed for children ages 6-12.

I need to get out more.