Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why I am not a movie critic.

Deep within me exists a secret place where I yearn to be a movie critic. Not just any movie critic though, one that is feared by the movers and shakers of Hollywood. I know that in reality, I would actually make a horrible one because I am the most narcissistic movie viewer known to man. My opinion of a film is rarely based on any legitimate criteria other than my mood or how the movie makes me feel about the world and my place in it.

Come with me as I indulge my fantasy and review three films that I watched last weekend.


This movie just appeared on our ON DEMAND menu and we decided to watch it. It had one strike from the beginning and that was that it came out at the Movie Theater long ago and we managed to miss seeing it in the theatre. I think that I was pregnant and as big as a house at the time and had no interest in being in public. I instantly felt like a lame ass with no life because of this. Then, Kiera Knightly wears a really beautiful green dress that she looks fabulous in . I immediately felt pudgy and ungroomed and regretted eating a Whopper for dinner. By the time we were near the end of the movie, I was too tired to watch the last 30 minutes. We turned it off and decided to watch the ending the next night. This made me feel like a loser because it was only 10:30 pm on a Saturday night. By the time we got around to finishing the movie the next night, I just wanted both of them to die because they were young and hot.

Next up...Lars And The Real Girl. Ryan Gosling is pretty hot so I was interested in this movie form the first frame the he popped up in. We also watched this movie while plopped on our big red couch and I started to feel like a loser again for missing my chance to see it in the theatre but then something funny happened and I started to forget how lame I felt. I fought with all of my might to not get too emotionally involved with the characters because it had been a long day and I was just too tired to expend the energy. I cried twice while watching this film but it might have just been because I had woken up at 5am with the baby and was exhausted. Either way, Ryan Gosling is hot. So, I liked this movie.

Finally...Julie and Julia. This movie had an unfair advantage and that was the fact that my Mother invited me to go see it and we left the boys alone with Roger for the first time since Koen's birth. I felt a taste of freedom as the lights dimmed and the previews started. My mom decided that it would be fun if we wore pearls to the movie theater (in honor of Julia Child) so I wore the beautiful strand of pearls that Roger gave me for our 5 year anniversary last year. I felt all dolled up and sparkly. This influenced me to really adore this movie. Meryl Streep is amazing as Julia Child and Amy Adams was adorable. Neither of them made me feel fat and ugly. I instantly could relate to the character of Julie because she was a Blogger too and wished to be a writer just like me. This made me like the movie even more because it was really all about me and my pearls and how pretty I felt and the fact that I was finally seeing a movie at the movie theater instead of at home in my old jammies that are covered in spit up. I didn't feel like a loser anymore and I owe all of that to Julie and Julia.


Carolyn said...

i loved Atonement....and want to kidnap james McAvoy ;)

We have so much in common with our best friends with the exception of movies we like. My husband likes almost anything, and they watch movies, well, like you...;) Basing our movies on the opposite of what they hate or like is pretty much an exact science now.

The Blonde Duck said...

I adore this review! I've been wanting to see Julie and Julia!

Perhaps I'll watch it with biscuits!

Sara said...

I very much enjoyed the first two, but I have yet to see the third, although I've heard many a good thing about it.

Plus, it's a movie about food. I mean, how do you screw that up, right?