I was a personal add reject

My best friend sent this image my way
and the body of the e-mail read "Remember this?"
When I look back at my college years
I can remember doing some pretty ridiculous stuff.
Luckily, Erin is a pack rat and framed this little gem for me.

In an effort to do a character study
for a short story that I wanted to write
I took out this personal add in the local paper.
My theory was that I would base my characters
on the people who called to answer the add.

It failed miserably.
I only had 2 responses.
Both of which were from a set
of friends who had dared each other to answer the add.
They were both drunk and almost incoherent.

When that did not work I decided to try again.
I thought that surely there would be a young man
out there just weird enough to respond.
My second add looked like this

SF, 23, paranoid, nervous,
and much smarter than you,
ISO brilliant SM to slowly feed me grapes.

Not one person responded.

Then my good friend David and I
were bored one hot summer evening
and placed this add

Desperately Seeking Roth
to hang with David and Leigh.

Get it? I'll give you a minute.
David Lee Roth
Yeah...we were pretty bored.
Needless to say,
Roth never answered.

With that, my career as a
personal add reject ended.

I thought for sure that
I was going to have a hit on my hands.