Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Ass smackers unite!

Warning: You are about to read the words
smack, ass, or ass smack about 20 times in the post.

Many moons ago when I was wild and in my twenties, I went to a company Christmas party with Erin. Thank God there was a full bar at said party and praise further be to God that Erin won twenty free drink tickets in a raffle. We promptly cashed in tickets for copious amounts of vodka drinks. As the night progressed, the dance floor (which was full of stuffy "work" people) started to call my name.

I suddenly found myself in the middle of the dance floor smacking my own ass to the beat of the music. It felt amazing to just haul off and smack it. It wasn't just a little swat either, I would swing my arm over my head and "POP" my hand onto my ass and then shake my hips. Sometimes I would circle my hand above my ass as if I was warming up before I would smack it. It was ridiculous. An older woman (at the time 50 seemed old) approached me and said "You go girl, what are you doing?" I then proceeded to coerce this sophisticated woman into raising her hand over her ass and giving her own ass a smack. She felt exhilarated and ran and grabbed some of her friends. Pointing to me she yelled "Watch her, you gotta do this!" I then taught about 4 other women how to smack their own asses. We all stood in a circle laughing like crazy and smacking our asses.

Erin called me over to her. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked me in a drunken slur. "Smacking my ass, come on, you gotta do it!" I replied. Then she said "You know, that woman over there smacking her ass is the head art director of the company and happens to be one of my bosses!" Holy crap...

The "ass smack" officially became my signature move after that night. If there is a dance floor and a vodka drink in my hand, then I am out there smacking it. My husband always tells people "I give it 5 minutes and my wife will have all of the ladies in the room smacking their own asses"

Well, this kid totally stole my moves!
I want to hit the clubs with this guy!

27 comments:

Dee Crowe said...

oh thank goodness my daughter and I aren't the only ones who smack our own booty's! Funny story...one night, I got into the habit of smacking other tushies...

needless to say, I don't drink very heavily at social events anymore...

Katherine said...

At least now I would be able to spot you in a crowd. And the video is hilarious.

June said...

If we could only get lessons via vlog on your blog!!
I avoid being drunk in public...not very good at it.

Daffy said...

Oh mercy I laughed this morning. Don't know why I find it pee-my-pants (and yes I did a wee little bit) funny to picture you smacking your ass. I guess it is your description of it....

"Brilliant!"...."Beautiful"...."To be copied and executed by everyone..." raves the Duck

Yes, that was my most professional post review....

Cathy said...

Your story is fantastic, but that little boy put tears in my eyes, I was laughing so hard!

BigSis said...

I am not sure which I love more - the fact that you did it or the fact that you shared it with us. I would love to get drunk with you!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Wow that kid is jiggy.

Babes Mami said...

This made me think of 'bend and snap' from Legally Blonde!

Picturing you and a handful of ladies smacking asses...hilarious!

R Montalban said...

OMG, my jaw is still wide open and if possible it dropped even further each time he did the "looking at her" move, and his final ass slap you could really hear huge conviction in his moves. I can just imagine him doing this when he grows up - wonder if the lady will do the "looking at him" move back!!! Fantastic......

R Montalban said...

Oh, realised he might end up doing it to a "looking at him" move instead, and perhaps he might get that back.....

Love it, Good times.........

Much More Than Mommy said...

I REALLY want to go to a party with you! I have tears in my eyes after reading this!

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

Oh my good gracious alive! You crack me up!
And that little boy is a character! He's got some moves for sure!

Teddy Started It said...

I'm at home all by myself howling w/laughter right now. 15 minutes ago, I was working hard - and then I decided I needed a little break so I popped over to your blog and found this. Now I'm laughing so hard I can't breath...and I think I peed myself a little. Ahhh to be young, drunk and ass-smackin' again.

And OMG! Who's future 'nightmare-on-the-dance-floor' is that kid?!?

Sue said...

What a character!

heehee

=)

Stepping On Cheerios said...

That't great! I once did some embarrasing moves at an office party. I'm glad I don't work there anymore! Hahahahah!

Neena said...

Ok that kid won me over. I gotta go listen to Outkast and get my funk on... as a gal who has experienced the actual ass smack of leigh, I must say it is super nice!

Beth said...

Sad to say, it's been SO long since I danced anywhere but in my own kitchen, that I haven't tried the ass-smacking move. But, I'm on it! Next time I hit the dance floor (or the kitchen floor), I'll be smacking away with the best of them...As for the kid video -- Does anybody else wonder what kind of TV this kid is being exposed to?? I'm just saying...

Kristy said...

20 free drink tickets?! Now THAT's a raffle.

Pearl said...

ummm...hilarious! If I had an ass, I'd be smacking it too, but i have some rare disease called noassatall or ihasnobooty, hence no ass smacking for me.

Kristin said...

Dude, that kid can get down. Ah ha ha. Too freaking funny!

purseblogger said...

LOL! This is so funny! You crack me up. Wish I could see this smacking! I'd totally join in with you all. :)

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Yeah, those are totally the moves that I do every day in my kitchen. My kids think it's hysterical...no vodka necessary.

Miz Dinah said...

Oooooo I love me some good ass-smackin'. Mix it with some booty shake and we're set.

R Montalban said...

You inspired me so much with this that I ended up listening to a whole lot of music I had not listened to in a long time and have put up 10 of those songs on my blog which I think you could dance along "slapping your ass" too easily! They took me down memory lane and I smiled all night so thanks!

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

The kid was okay but I would rather have seen one of you. Ha Ha. I have never done that but I have smacked my husband's a few times. (not very hard though)

Tami G said...

OMG - this is THE funniest thing I have seen in a LONG TIME!!!!!!!
HILARIOUS
and soooooooo cute!!!!

sidenote - I would LOVE to get drunk and hang out with you = I bet you are a BLAST!!!

Also - I had to make my blog private for a bit :( D.R.A.M.A from an ex stalking!!! shoot me an email so I can send you and invite until I can go public again tamig_30@yahoo.com

sanjeet said...

I would be able to spot you in a crowd. And the video is hilarious.
indian classified site