Monday, August 16, 2010

I lost my mind at Kroger the other night...


I live in a college town and when the students return to campus in droves, our little town gets turned upside down. I went to Kroger Saturday evening to buy a bottle of wine and cupcakes. It was 7:30 pm and the place was swarming with young people. At the entrance, right next to the automatic glass doors, was a huge promotional box offering Ramen Noodles at the low cost of 10 for a dollar. There were red and black balloons covering the place on every corner. It was a sensory explosion.

Upon walking into the store, a female employee screamed at me..."IT'S COLLEGE NIGHT!" and threw some coupons at me. She then pressured me to enter a "tailgating inspired" raffle. I looked at the potential prizes which consisted of a huge red Miller Light inflatable chair, a canvas bag full of cans of Monster energy drink, a Miller Light cooler, a red and black folding camping chair, and various other items. I very politely declined.

As I walked up and down the aisles grabbing my wine and cupcakes, I saw college students at every turn. I would say that over half of them were wearing their pajamas. This is a trend in my town. Girls and boys alike walk around in their jammies, it's a bit disconcerting because often times the girls are tiny and they are in tiny shorts. I always end up feeling old, chubby, and bitter as I buy a pack of diapers or any other non fun grocery item. This night was no exception as tan co-eds grabbed up microwave pizzas with their ass cheeks hanging out. Plus, I don't mean to be all judgy or anything but my Mammaw taught me three things that I still carry with me to this day. Never leave the house in your jammies, always wear a bra in public, and take a little moment to put on some lipstick before you get out of the car. These girls break all of these rules.

The checkout area was pure silliness. Every single checkout lane was open and the lines were ten people deep. Some dude was announcing the raffle winners over the store intercom. You would hear him say "The winner of the inflatable chair is Max Jones." Then, Max Jones screamed and yelled and his buddies high fived him as he ran up to claim his amazing prize. I imagined that it would be put to good use in the Frat house.

The announcements continued as I waited in line, laughing out loud at the scene that unfolded before me. They handed out prize after prize and celebrations would burst throughout the store. They also had a promotion going on where every checkout line had a bell that you could ring if you felt like you had gotten good service. The little bells would ding and all of the employees would cheer. So, between the winners of the raffle freaking out, the bells dinging non-stop, and the Kroger workers clapping their heads off, it was an intense fifteen minute wait to pay for groceries.

I even got into the spirit and started cheering and screaming as the excitement unfolded. I am well known for taking advantage of any opportunity to be loud and obnoxious in public. Some whipper snapper one line over gave me a high five over the gum display. I slapped his hand and yelled "WOOO HOOOO" at the top of my lungs and pumped a fist into the air. An old lady behind me looked afraid as she peered at me with huge eyes and said "I have a Pacemaker, I can't take all this rowdiness."

I suddenly felt so very young and wished
at that moment that I was wearing my pajamas.

17 comments:

Jocelyn Christensen said...

You are so awesome.

citymouse said...

Since I could have been any of their mothers, I would have cringed. You are way cooler than me!

singedwingangel said...

Lmbo.. how quickly you went from frumpy housewife to college member in nanoseconds. I don't know what's funnier.. you high fiving some frat boy or you walking inthe old lady and out the college girl..

Mrs. Muffins said...

Where do you live? Haha? I live in a college town too... and I gauruntee the scene was pretty similar at my Kroger this week!

xx

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

Hahahahaaa! Oh my! I am getting old. My Grandmother taught me the same sort of things which, of course, I'll hopefully pass on to my girls. :)
You know the other thing that made me feel old reading this? It freaks me out imagining a WHOLE bag of energy drinks being offered to a college student. Shouldn't that be illegal or something? I hear some of those drinks can be dangerous, as in--causing a heart-attack dangerous. Anyway, see--I'm getting old! ;)
LOVE that you "whoo-hoo'ed". You're awesome!

BigSis said...

I hate moments like that when I feel old. Good for you for not letting it bother you. And, for the record, my favorite part was "wine and cupcakes" as a pair, like peanut butter and jelly or milk and cookies.

Jenny said...

Oh my goodness, I have never been in a Kroger like that before. The one down the street from us was not much fun at all yesterday. HA HA HA!

R Montalban said...

I can picture the scene so vividly!!!

VandyJ said...

College student are pouring into our town now too. All the cheap bread, chips and ramen will be gone by Sunday night. Walmart will resemble a war zone or how a store lokoks after an end of the world announcement. It's a great time of year, fun is had by all.

From Tracie said...

My grocery store has never been that much fun........but as a pj lover, I could get behind that shopping in my jammies thing.

Big Fat Gini said...

Oh my God, I could have written that. We also live in a college town. In fact, it's something like the fourth largest university in the nation. In a tiny town with a population of about 120,000 people. Every time they come back, it's a madhouse and yes, my local grocery store is very much the same. Good thing I don't need bread or milk any time soon...

Sue said...

I'm officially old. That would drive me crazy.

=)

Christy said...

That is amazing! I totally rocked the pj pants in college, and I know what you mean when comparing college kids groceries with diapers and formula. We lived in a college town for about 6 months when Leah was tiny ... oh I felt old, lol. Great post!

FrouFrouBritches said...

You are hysterical! I would totally wear jammies in public if I could get away with it, although I don't think my VS blue unicorn pajamas would have the same effect as the butt hanging out short kind. I wouldn't looks so cute in the short kind.

48684 said...

生命所經歷的折磨愈多,其所產生的奮鬥力愈大。................. ................................................

Mary Jessica said...

Oh, lawsy, this made me laugh.

Lisa said...

Ha ha ha! I live in a college town as well...my hubby works at a Kroger...and the students here will return in a week or so.

I'm afraid but am going to borrow some of your attitude. :)