I lost my mind at Kroger the other night...

I live in a college town and when the students return to campus in droves, our little town gets turned upside down. I went to Kroger Saturday evening to buy a bottle of wine and cupcakes. It was 7:30 pm and the place was swarming with young people. At the entrance, right next to the automatic glass doors, was a huge promotional box offering Ramen Noodles at the low cost of 10 for a dollar. There were red and black balloons covering the place on every corner. It was a sensory explosion.

Upon walking into the store, a female employee screamed at me..."IT'S COLLEGE NIGHT!" and threw some coupons at me. She then pressured me to enter a "tailgating inspired" raffle. I looked at the potential prizes which consisted of a huge red Miller Light inflatable chair, a canvas bag full of cans of Monster energy drink, a Miller Light cooler, a red and black folding camping chair, and various other items. I very politely declined.

As I walked up and down the aisles grabbing my wine and cupcakes, I saw college students at every turn. I would say that over half of them were wearing their pajamas. This is a trend in my town. Girls and boys alike walk around in their jammies, it's a bit disconcerting because often times the girls are tiny and they are in tiny shorts. I always end up feeling old, chubby, and bitter as I buy a pack of diapers or any other non fun grocery item. This night was no exception as tan co-eds grabbed up microwave pizzas with their ass cheeks hanging out. Plus, I don't mean to be all judgy or anything but my Mammaw taught me three things that I still carry with me to this day. Never leave the house in your jammies, always wear a bra in public, and take a little moment to put on some lipstick before you get out of the car. These girls break all of these rules.

The checkout area was pure silliness. Every single checkout lane was open and the lines were ten people deep. Some dude was announcing the raffle winners over the store intercom. You would hear him say "The winner of the inflatable chair is Max Jones." Then, Max Jones screamed and yelled and his buddies high fived him as he ran up to claim his amazing prize. I imagined that it would be put to good use in the Frat house.

The announcements continued as I waited in line, laughing out loud at the scene that unfolded before me. They handed out prize after prize and celebrations would burst throughout the store. They also had a promotion going on where every checkout line had a bell that you could ring if you felt like you had gotten good service. The little bells would ding and all of the employees would cheer. So, between the winners of the raffle freaking out, the bells dinging non-stop, and the Kroger workers clapping their heads off, it was an intense fifteen minute wait to pay for groceries.

I even got into the spirit and started cheering and screaming as the excitement unfolded. I am well known for taking advantage of any opportunity to be loud and obnoxious in public. Some whipper snapper one line over gave me a high five over the gum display. I slapped his hand and yelled "WOOO HOOOO" at the top of my lungs and pumped a fist into the air. An old lady behind me looked afraid as she peered at me with huge eyes and said "I have a Pacemaker, I can't take all this rowdiness."

I suddenly felt so very young and wished
at that moment that I was wearing my pajamas.