Freakshow Friday: "Grambo" Edition

It's time for another installment of Freakshow Friday. Where I ask my readers to come up with a caption or story for a photo taken from Awkward Family Photos. As you know, our regular judge will be busy moving over the weekend and won't be able to fulfill her duties as the judge this week. So, I've enlisted a person in my life who knows funny when he sees it. Let me show you a photo of our guest judge...

That's my dad, better known as 8 Ball the Clown. That's right, my father is a clown, you wanna make something of it? He has agreed to be the judge this week so you better be extra funny. The man does funny for a living. Here is this week's photo, I love this old broad...

The ladies at old folks home will be so jealous of Mari's latest adventure.

You got a better one for me?

If so, you may just when this awesome award

and have bragging rights forever.

If you win then I'll linkup to your

Blog and make a big deal
about how funny you are.
Simply leave your funny caption or story
in my comments section.

The winner will be announced on Monday.

This time last year I felt like I was living on the nutty farm.

I have been feeling a sense of accomplishment that I survived the last year with two kids. I reread this Post the other day and can proudly say that I can laugh at it now. I just had to repost it now that I am so much more experienced and all the wiser. Ha...I'm still outnumbered over here. I hope that you enjoy the insanity that was my life this time last year.

Mom to Two

So...I look like hell in this picture. I had just given birth and my hair is a mess. If you could see inside my flesh though, you would see a huge red heart swelling with pride. I love that I have 2 kids now. Not that it hasn't been an adjustment.

I had my first taste of my new role the other day. My mom has been staying with us and she is a HUGE help. Well, she went to the bathroom for 4 minutes the other afternoon and in that time, everything went to hell and it went fast!

Koen opened his eyes from a long nap and was starving. His little voice whimpered and as I picked him up to nurse him, Griffin yelled over the crying "I NEED A SNACK!" Full of guilt that he is not the only boy in my life anymore, I high tailed it to the kitchen to get him his snack before I settled down to nurse. Koen was screaming and sucking on my cheek as I prepared Griffin's snack with one hand. I broke it down step by step as Koen tried his hardest to suck milk out of my chin...put the pretzels in a bowl, calmly grab a juice box, "You are in control, everything is okay." I tried to tell myself.

I handed Griffin his snack and he demanded "Put it over there." then he started to really sass me "STOP HIM FROM SCREAMING! GO AWAY MOM!" Koen was in hysterics at this point and sucking on my nose. I was trying my hardest to get the damn straw into the juice box by using my teeth and one hand. I didn't have the energy to discipline Griffin at that moment and I was fed up. I threw the juice box on the couch to flee the scene and nurse Koen. The juice box promptly landed on Griffin's bowl and sent his pretzels flying into the air.

Griffin lost it. "You threw food at me!" He was crying, Koen was screaming, I started crying as I gathered up his spilled pretzels and then I escaped into the other room leaving Griffin to stew alone with his abused snack.

I sobbed while I nursed Koen.

My mom came out of the bathroom. "What happened in there?" My mom asked gently. "Griffin said that you threw food at him, but I told him that it must have been an accident because mom would never do that."

"No mom", I said between sobs, "I didn't throw food at him, it was a juice box and you are never allowed to go to the bathroom again!"

The Happiness Project :: Week 9

Feathery antennas and hot pink legs.

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If you want to jump on the bandwagon
simply post a photo of something that
makes you wildly happy.
Then, steal my button up there
and include it in your post.
Don't forget to add your link to Mr. Linky.

The battle rages on....

Last week I had a tummy bug. I moaned on the couch for 4 days while my children literally sat on my head. It was outstanding, let me tell you. I didn't even look at the laundry room except to throw dirty clothes on top of clothes all last week. The pile was HUGE and I think that I heard it laugh at me twice when I walked by. My sweet husband washed all of it this weekend but left the folding for me.

Here is what is sitting in my living room this morning. In the battle between me and the laundry, I think that it's safe to say that the laundry has won.

If you listen closely, you might hear a battle cry. Oh wait...that's me crying. Anyone wanna come over and help me fold all of this?

Please scroll down to see this week's winner of Freakshow Friday.

Winner: Pussycat Edition

We have a winner for this week's installment of Freakshow Friday. Please take note that my super hilarious and non biased best friend was the judge. Here are the top three in no particular order.

KarmaPearl
"Everyone knows a boy's best friend is his cat.
And mullet. And lasers."

Bossy Betty
"The disco did not understand their love..."

The Only Girl
"They were unsure which of them had the longest tail,
but were willing to find out."

And the winner is...

KarmaPearl

"Everyone knows a boy's best friend is his cat.
And mullet. And lasers."

Karma Pearl
is the funniest Blogger in all the land.

Please head on over to her Blog

and marvel at this fantastic award she just earned
to proudly display forever.


Thanks to all the people who played.
Tune in this Friday for another instalment of Freakshow Friday!

Thank you for soothing my weary heart.

I can't thank y'all enough
for your kind words after
the tragic events that
took place near my home the other day.

The neighborhood is eerily calm.
As I step outside,
I'll here the birds chirp
or watch the wind blow gently through the trees.
It feels so surreal to feel so
safe and sound after the violence that erupted.

Details have emerged that it was
the woman's brother that shot and killed
the new young mom.
He also shot his mother and his sister.
They both survived.
The suspect has a mental illness.
He survived and is being charged with murder.

I did not know this family
but they have lived in the neighborhood for 20 years.
We are all hurting over their loss.

We have all placed white ribbons
on our mailboxes so that when
the family drives home from the hospital
they will know that they have our silent support.

I placed it with love this morning.

Perhaps it is one step towards healing.

For those of you who let me know

how badly you were hurting for the newborn baby.
I will leave you with this comforting photo
taken from by our local paper.

She is safe and sound in her Daddy's arms.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

Please scroll down for some comic relief
and Freakshow Friday.

Freak show Friday: Pussycat Edition

It's time for another installment of Freakshow Friday. Where I ask my readers to come up with a caption or story for a photo taken from Awkward Family Photos. My best friend will be the judge and she's one hilarious freakaziod. So, bring it! Here is this week's photo. This poor guy just seems a bit sad to me.

The one time that Lawrence and Tittles left his parent's basement.

You got a better one for me?

If so, you may just when this awesome award

and have bragging rights forever.

If you win then I'll linkup to your

Blog and make a big deal
about how funny you are.
Simply leave your funny caption or story
in my comments section.

The winner will be announced on Monday.

A post about a bevy of the craziest peacocks this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.

Today I am trying to think about funny things.
I need it after the crazy events of yesterday.
So...I'm going to talk about peacocks.
Crazy and insane peacocks.

(photo credit here, I'm too lazy to take my camera to the barn)

There is a bevy of peacocks out at the barn where Griffin takes horseback riding lessons.
These peacocks have served as countless hours of entertainment for me.
There is one peahen (a female peacock) and one HUGE (very proud) male peacock.
They have four teenage boys who don't have their fantastic train of feathers yet,
and one incredibly stupid teenage boy with a plumage
that he constantly raises for inanimate objects.

It's so funny to watch this young whipper snapper of a peacock prance around with his feathers wide open and trembling in an effort to woo things like...a tree or the barn. It's so stupid that once I caught it in a field shaking it's feathers for nothing. He was all into it too. Jumping and prancing all over the place as if to put on a fantastic show for an imaginary girl.
I love that guy.

Equally entertaining is the male peacock that struts for the peahen.
She could care less about him as he tries his hardest to get her attention.
He makes a huge scene and spins in grand circles with his feathers shaking up a storm
as if bad techno music is playing in his mind.
She just turns her back and pecks at the grass as if to yawn at his hilarious display.
The poor fella rarely gets lucky.

The teenagers are out of control.
They run all over the place and chase the peahen.
She tries her hardest to avoid their antics but
all too often falls victim to the gang of boys as they all charge her at once.
She yelps and squawks and scolds them to no end.

Meanwhile, her male suitor is behind them, just shaking his tail feather at her nonstop.
He is relentless and desperate for a little love from that lady.
It's clear that she is over him.
It almost seems as if she hates him.

Somewhere behind the barn, her confused kid is showing off for a bucket.

The peahen seems so annoyed with this idiotic brood of boys that there are moments when I think that I catch her looking at me as we drive away with a look in her eyes that says
"Help a sister out and get me out of here!"

Sometimes I daydream about setting her free with an
elaborate escape plan that involves rope,
a dozen roses, peanut butter, a megaphone, and a U-haul truck.

First my heart filled with fear, then my heart felt utter relief, and now it is full of deep sadness or: my crazy day.

I went on a grand adventure today to Atlanta for the Top Chef Tasting Tour with Roger. He took a long lunch and my Mom watched the boys at her house so that we could have a "date". We had a great time. Little did I know that I was being spared serious trauma.

As I drove home from my fun adventure into the city, I noticed in the distance that a helicopter was hovering in the air over what looked to be my neighborhood. I thought it odd but shrugged it off. Then, two police cars came barreling behind me. I pulled over and let them pass but was behind a slow poke so I didn't get to see where they were headed.

I went to my Mom's house and fetched my kiddos. As we drove to my neighborhood, a Crime Scene Unit passed us. Something big had happened somewhere. My heart started racing. As I pulled into my neighborhood, I noticed a big firetruck sitting at the entrance. I thought...Oh no, it's a fire. I rushed to get to my home to make sure that it was in one piece.

Let me interject here and tell you about my neighborhood real quick. It's a sleepy little neighborhood that is very rural. Every house is an Estate and has tons of property. We live in the smallest house on the smallest 2 acre lot. It's quiet and most of my neighbors are reclusive professors who keep to themselves.

This is a stock photo...not one of mine.

You can imagine my shock when I was met with a 5 car Police blockade on my main road, one block from my house. A female officer was speaking to a man in a truck in front of me. He turned his truck around and left. My heart pounded in my chest as I rolled down the window

"Is everything okay, officer? Is there anything I need to know about my neighborhood." I asked her. She looked in the backseat and saw my two boys. She then very coldly said "Go inside your home and lock the doors. Don't answer the door for anybody!" I then asked "Is it safe , should I leave?" She looked over her shoulder at all of the male officers gathered and then leaned into my car door. She very quietly looked at my boys and said "TURN AROUND NOW AND DON'T COME HOME UNTIL YOU GET THE OKAY." I booked it out of there.

As I turned on the road to leave my neighborhood, I passed my mom in her car. She looked frantic. We pulled over and she dropped the bomb on me. "Three people have been shot in your neighborhood and the killer is at large. It's an all out manhunt. Go to my house." She was trembling. "Here, call Scarlet (one of my closest friends) she is looking for you and wants to know that your safe!"

I called on my Mom's cell and we chatted. It turns out that a woman with a one week old baby was shot and killed. Her mother and sister had been shot too. The baby was okay. The man who shot them was unaccounted for. My heart broke. My stomach turned into knots. I had two sweet boys looking at me through the car window with question marks on their faces. My heart sank...I told Griffin that there was a gas leak and we couldn't go home.

They have since found the man. He locked himself in the bathroom and shot himself in the chest. He's alive and was taken the hospital. The mother of the baby is dead and the two other women lived. It looks to be a case of domestic violence.

After hours of wondering and worrying about when I could return to my home, I knew that it was okay to go to my house. When I got home, I had 10 messages from different friends calling to check in on me. They all sounded so worried that they couldn't get a hold of me. I sobbed as I listened to each one and was so thankful that we had been spared the police sirens and the scariness of the realization that a murderer was loose in my neighborhood. I envisioned my fear as I ran to the car to flee my home. Thank God we were safe and sound at my Mothers' house. It also means so much to have friends that love and care about me. It's almost heartbreaking.

Then, I just read about it on my computer and saw this photo of the baby.

(photo from WSB TV)

My heart is shaken.
It's all just so tragic.
I want to grab that baby and love her.
She is in State Custody at one week old.

Now I have to go and bake cookies for a bake sale at Griffin's school tomorrow.
I feel so lucky to be safe and sound and doing something as nurturing as baking cookies.
I'm hugging my children a little tighter tonight.

The Happiness Project :: Week 8

Daddy Love

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Want to jump on the bandwagon?
Simply post a photo of something that
makes you wildly happy.
Then, steal my button from that code up there
and include it in your post.

Be sure to add your link to Mr. Linky.

Sweet Retreat

We love paying a visit to a little ice cream Mom and Pop shop down the way. It's the type of place that makes me feel like a child again from the moment I walk in. The radio is always playing happy songs, the sprinkles always look magical, and the ice cream is so sweet and cold. This is what memories are made of...

ice Cream and shiny things.

May you find a sweet retreat this Spring.

Scroll on down to find out the winner of Freakshow Friday.
Also, don't forget to enter my giveaway.

Winner: The Human Pretzel Edition

We have a winner for this week's installment of Freakshow Friday. Please take note that my super hilarious and non biased best friend was the judge. Here are the top three in no particular order.

w
"sarah knew as long as she stayed still in that position,
she wouldn't cast a shadow."

The girl with the flour in her hair
"This is the most uncomfortable damn chair I've ever sat in."

Jeremy from We Took The Bait
"Though the back of the chair obscured the view,
it was no secret where the ping pong balls were being shot from."

And the winner is...

The girl with the flour in her hair

"This is the most uncomfortable damn chair I've ever sat in."

The girl with the flour in her hair
is the funniest Blogger in all the land.

Please head on over to her Blog

and marvel at this fantastic award she just earned
to proudly display forever.


Thanks to all the people who played.
Tune in this Friday for another instalment of Freakshow Friday!

Freakshow Friday : The Human Pretzel Edition

It's time for another installment of Freakshow Friday. Where I ask my readers to come up with a caption or story for a photo taken from Awkward Family Photos. My best friend will be the judge and she's one hilarious freakaziod. So, bring it! Here is the week's photo, this girl seems really smart to me.

Tony at the Strip Joint told Sarah that with a bit of stretching
she might just get the gig.

You got a better one for me?

If so, you may just when this awesome award

and have bragging rights forever.

If you win then I'll linkup to your

Blog and make a big deal
about how funny you are.
Simply leave your funny caption or story
in my comments section.

The winner will be announced on Monday.

Scroll on down to enter my super special giveaway that retails for $120.
That's a lot of Lucite Heels!

The Stay at Home Mom Chronicles: Being Han Solo

I'm realizing that my days around here seem to run together.
Ordinary moments unfold around me daily
and I need to stop and relish in them.
One day, my boys will be out living life
and I will miss these everyday experiences.

So, I am taking the time to document
the simple moments that pass between us.
I'm calling this little collection of memories
The Stay At Home Mom Chronicles.

2:30 PM: Playing Star Wars Action Figures with Griffin

Sometimes while Koen takes his afternoon nap
Griffin and I will play together.
Lately we've been playing Star Wars.
It's actually really fun for me because I loved the
film Star Wars as a child.

Whenever we play, I insist on being Han Solo.
Griffin always lets me.
He has no choice.
For you to understand the importance of me being Mr. Solo
let me tell you a little memory I have from my childhood.

When I was a little girl, I would play Star Wars with my older brother and his friends.
I always wanted to be Hahn Solo. He was just SO cool. I mean, he flew the Millennium Falcon and his best friend was a Wookie.

Sadly, they forced me to be Leia because I was the only girl.



It sucked.

They would pretend that the neighbor's garage was the Death Star
and that a bean bag next to the lawnmower was my jail cell.
They would have the smelliest kid on the block be my guard.
I would just sit in the danky garage while all the boys were outside having Jedi battles.
If I tried to stand up, stinky ol' Ricky Weaver would push me back onto the bean bag
and yell
"SIT DOWN LEIA!"

I would sit in misery while the boys
wielded their plastic light sabers at one another
outside the garage on the driveway.
Why didn't I just get up and go play with my Barbies?
I may never understand why I continued to play with them.
Maybe it was the hope that I could
one day play the role of Han Solo.

Well, now I'm the grown up and no one
can force me to be Princess Leia.
Griffin doesn't even try to be Han Solo anymore.
He immediately and begrudgingly hands him over to me.

He can be Han Solo when he's a Dad
and he plays Star Wars with his kids.

You've gotta earn that privilege.

Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the innocent and smelly.

The Happiness Project :: Week 7

Today is Koen's 1st Birthday!!!
There is nothing cuter in my world
than this baby with blue icing crammed up his nose.

For those of you that are suckers for any birth story like I am...
you can read his birth story here.
I tried not to share too much info about bodily fluids.

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If you want to jump on the bandwagon

simply post a photo of something that
makes you wildly happy.
Then, steal my button from that code up there
and include it in your post.

Be sure to add your link to Mr. Linky.

Winner: Big Hair Edition

We have a winner for this week's installment of Freakshow Friday. Please take note that my super hilarious and non biased best friend was the judge. Here are the top three in no particular order.

Linh
"Do these shorts make my hair look big?"

Tom and Karen Mortensen
"Oh, those awkward transgender moments."

Jeremy from We Took The Bait
"Eddie removed his sunglasses for this picture,
because he thought that wearing them
would make him look like a tool."

The winner is....
Jeremy from We Took The Bait

"Eddie removed his sunglasses for this picture,
because he thought that wearing them
would make him look like a tool."

Jeremy from We Took The Bait

is the funniest Blogger in all the land.

Please head on over to his Blog

and marvel at this fantastic award he just earned
to proudly display forever.


Thanks to all the people who played.
Tune in this Friday for another instalment of Freakshow Friday!

Freakshow Friday: Big Hair Edition

It's time for another installment of Freakshow Friday. Where I ask my readers to come up with a caption or story for a photo taken from Awkward Family Photos. My best friend will be the judge and she's one hilarious freakaziod. So, bring it! Here is the week's photo, this dude is unreal!

Frank's hair was definitely a "Situation."

You got a better one for me?

If so, you may just when this awesome award

and have bragging rights forever.

If you win then I'll linkup to your

Blog and make a big deal
about how funny you are.
Simply leave your funny caption or story
in my comments section.

The winner will be announced on Monday.

The Stay at Home Mom Chronicles: Matinee Movie Gone Awry.

I'm realizing that my days around here seem to run together.

Ordinary moments unfold around me daily
and I need to stop and relish in them.
One day, my boys will be out living life
and I will miss these everyday experiences.

So, I am taking the time to document
the simple moments that pass between us.
I'm calling this little collection of memories
The Stay At Home Mom Chronicles.

Saturday 3:45 pm : Attempting to go to the Movies.

Over the last weekend we decided to take Griffin
on a little date to see the film How to Train Your Dragon in 3D.
We don't have a great track record when it comes to the movies.
We have walked out of every movie we have ever
attempted to see within moments of walking in.

Griffin swore up and down
that he was old enough now.
So...we dropped Koen off at my Mom's house
and headed to the theatre.

It was a big deal.

(Griffin before the movie)

There was excitement in the air and Griffin
felt so big and proud to get his very own
3D glasses, popcorn , and Sprite (which he never is allowed to drink).
We handed him the money as we waited in line and
he "paid" for us to get in.
We also handed him the tickets and he handed them to the
employee to tear as we walked into the lobby.
He even ordered his own snack at the concessions stand.
I could tell the he felt proud of himself
for being given so many adult tasks.

We headed into the theatre
well, I went in first to watch the previews
and then promised to come and get him and Dad
when the movie started.

Thank God because they showed the preview
to M. Night Shymalan's new movie
which looked scary as poo.
Anyway...Griffin filed into his seat as the movie started.
He freaked his freak!!!
It was too loud, too dark, and just too PG for him.

He announced that he was tired
and curled up in a little ball with his eyes closed
and his fingers crammed into his ears.
I reached over to pat him and the poor guy was shaking.

We left within five minutes of walking in.

(Griffin after we walked out of the movie, being forced to stop and pose again)

We were all grumpy as we left.
From the 3D movie tickets,
to the popcorn, and sodas that we purchased,
we blew $50 on a Matinee Movie gone awry.

We figured out that the entire experience
cost us a dollar a minute.

Someone won't be going to the Movies again
until a certain five year old turns seven!

A man who knows how to give a good compliment is a man that I want to have around.

The other day I was at the grocery store pondering a purchase in the deli meat area. A sweet looking old man who looked to be in his eighties came whizzing by on his motorized scooter. He stopped his little scooter dead in his tracks and said to me "You look nice today." I blushed and said "Thank you." He then replied "I'm in artist so I have an eye for pretty things and just had to tell you." Then he whizzed away. God bless that old man because I floated through the rest of the grocery store feeling prettier than ever.

That night at the dinner table, we all took turns sharing one good thing that happened to us that day. ( Yeah, we're that dorky family that does that every night at dinner) I shared the little grocery store exchange with the table and my husband tried his hardest to hide the fact that he wanted to be give that old man a knuckle sandwich for chattin' up his lady. I love this about him, if another man checks me out, my husband puffs up his chest like a good old fashioned gentleman should. Instead, he smiled and said "You do look really pretty today."

Hmmmm...I need to wear that shirt more often.

So, fast forward two days later. It's Easter and I have on a fancy shmancy new Easter dress. I actually took a shower and flat ironed my hair to look presentable for the annual family Easter Egg hunt at my mother-in-law's house. When Griffin saw me he exclaimed

"Mommy, you look so pretty, you look like a work of art."

Of course my heart melted and he was promptly covered with hugs and kisses.
If he can hold onto that line and use it on his prom date later in life,
then he is going to be a ladies' man for sure.

He must have really been listening when
I told the story of my eighty year old boyfriend at the grocery store.

For a woman like me who spends most of my day
covered in baby drool and finger paints,
it's nice to know that I still got it.

Even if it's just with eighty year old men and five year old boys.

The Happiness Project :: Week 6

Finding a tiny ladybug.

<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://leighvslaundry.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i969.photobucket.com/albums/ae172/leighbug_photo/2876650690_005fb39e00-4-2.jpg" alt="Photobucket" border="0" /></a></div><br />

If you want to jump on the bandwagon

simply post a photo of something that
makes you wildly happy.
Then, steal my button from that code up there
and include it in your post.

Be sure to add your link to Mr. Linky.

Devillete winner!

So, I paid a visit to random.org
and guess who won this amazing necklace...



Congratulations to
Amy
Goodbye 20's...Hello Botox
I know that you will rock it with style!

If you didn't win, don't worry
because you are a winner in my heart!
Thanks to all who entered.
Now...go buy yourself something nice
over at Devilette!

Scroll down to see this week's winner of Freakshow Friday.

Winner: Goin' to the Chapel Edition

We have a winner for this week's installment of Freakshow Friday. Please take note that my super hilarious and non biased best friend was the judge. Here are the top three in no particular order.

Natalie

"Billie Joe couldn't wait for the wedding to be over
so she could look just like him in 6 months..."

Wym
"Do these flowers make my back fat show?
Oh, look, a butt!"

Bossy Betty
"Nice Glass!"

The winner is...
Wym

"Do these flowers make my back fat show?
Oh, look, a butt!"

Wym is the funniest Blogger in all the land.

Please head on over to her Blog

and marvel at this fantastic award she just earned
to proudly display forever.


Thanks to all the people who played.
Tune in this Friday for another instalment of Freakshow Friday!

Thank you Easter Bunny, Bock Bock!

I just love Easter!

The pastel clothes,
the Cadbury Eggs,
Easter Baskets,
Easter Egg hunts,
and of course...
the joyful spiritual meaning.

Happy Easter!
May you be the kid
that finds the golden egg this year!

Freakshow Friday: Goin' the the Chapel Edition

It's time for another installment of Freakshow Friday. Where I ask my readers to come up with a caption or story for a photo taken from Awkward Family Photos. My best friend will be the judge and she's one hilarious freakaziod. So, bring it! Here is the week's photo, I think that it is flippin' hilarious.

Jenny wishes for some sort of sign
to let her know if Billy was the only man for her.

You got a better one for me?

If so, you may just when this awesome award

and have bragging rights forever.

If you win then I'll linkup to your

Blog and make a big deal
about how funny you are.
Simply leave your funny caption or story
in my comments section.

The winner will be announced on Monday.

Don't forget to scroll on down and enter my awesome giveaway!