Friday, April 24, 2009


So...I look like hell in this picture. I had just given birth 7 hours earlier and my hair is a mess. If you could see inside my flesh though, you would see a huge red heart swelling with pride. I love that I have 2 kids now. Not that it hasn't been an adjustment.

I had my first taste of my new role the other day. My mom has been staying with us and she is a HUGE help. Well, she went to the bathroom for 4 minutes the other afternoon and in that time, everything went to hell and it went fast!

Koen opened his eyes from a long nap and was starving. His little voice whimpered and as I picked him up to nurse him Griffin yelled over the crying "I NEED A SNACK!" Full of guilt that he is not the only boy in my life anymore, I high tailed it to the kitchen to get him his snack before I settled down to nurse. Koen was screaming and sucking on my cheek as I prepared Griffin's snack with one hand. I broke it down step by step as Koen tried his hardest to suck milk out of my chin...put the pretzels in a bowl, calmly grab a juice box, you are in control, everything is okay, I tried to tell myself.

I handed Griffin his snack and he demanded "Put it over there." then he started to really sass me "STOP HIM FROM SCREAMING! GO AWAY MOM!" Koen was in hysterics at this point and sucking on my nose. I was trying my hardest to get the damn straw into the juice box with my teeth and one hand. I didn't have the energy to discipline Griffin at that moment and I was fed up. I threw the juice box on the couch to flee the scene and nurse Koen. The juice box promptly landed on Griffin's bowl and sent his pretzels flying into the air.

Griffin lost it. "You threw food at me!" He was crying, Koen was screaming, I started crying as I gathered up his spilled pretzels and then I escaped into the other room leaving Griffin to stew alone with his abused snack.

I sobbed while I nursed Koen.

My mom came out of the bathroom. "What happened in there?" My mom asked gently. "Griffin said that you threw food at him, but I told him that it must have been an accident because mom would never do that."

"No mom", I said between sobs, "I didn't throw food at him, it was a juice box and you are never allowed to go to the bathroom again!"


Erin said...

Sweet, beautiful chaos. You're doing great.

Joy said...

I know the feeling. My daughter was 16 months when my son was born. There were many moments when I felt like "how am I ever going to get through this?". Now Steven is 8 months and I still have those moments sometimes, but it is slowly getting easier to juggle them both.