Friday, January 9, 2009

It's gettin' heavy

There is nothing like a crisis to bring a family together. My older brother is having a hard time these days. I won't go into details because I know that he doesn't want me bloggidy blogging away about his personal life but I will say that he is having a crisis. There have been tears. We're all crying together. There has been heartache and late night calls. We are there for him as a family.

Our love runs deep.

He is being tested, I know he is, and he will come out of this in one piece. Thanks to my mom.

She is flying out Sunday to be with him in Colorado as he sorts through his life and gets back on track. She's going to be gone for one month, which happens to be the seventh month of my pregnancy. My security blanket is leaving to wrap her arms around my brother.

He needs her more than I do.

The timing is amazing really because I have started mourning the loss of the life that Griffin and I have together. Of course we are thrilled to have Cohen (the spelling of his name has changed 10 times, we've settled on this..for real!) but there is a part of me that will miss the special time that Griffin and I have had together. It's been the best 4 years of my life so far, having my sweet son all to myself.

We are soul mates.

So as my mom leaves to take care of her "little boy" (because I guess that we never stop being a son or daughter, despite our age) I will also be spending some much needed special time with my little boy.

The other morning, I was feeling pregnant and emotional and sad for my brother. I crawled into bed with Griffin as he slept and wrapped my arms around him and smelled the top of his head and breathed in all the sweetness that is my first born son. I ached for him and cried until his hair was damp with my tears because I know that my attention will have to be divided up after Cohen arrives.

There is enough love to go around.

So I as I sadly wave goodbye to my mom (and with her goes date nights, help around the house, a shoulder to lean on) I will take a lesson from her that she does not even know she is teaching me.

That you are always there for your children. Even if they are 37 and crying to you over the phone or 34 and with child.

You never stop being mommy.


Unknown said...

you're a good bird, leigh! don't worry, your love is exponential. You'll have plenty to go 'round. and now griffin gets a chance to love someone little and sweet and adorable too. That's a gift you're giving him...

elizabeth said...

When your little one arrives you will immediately realize the unbelievable ability for a mother's heart to love two the same. When I held my oldest son for the 1st time I thought out loud that I would never feel love that strong again. I too found myself mourning what I thought would be the loss of precious time with my son when we became pregnant again and sad at the thought I might not love them both the same. Then my second son arrived and that same love filled my heart to my great surprise. Now two years have past and their personalities are so different and it is so easy to see that I can and will love them both forever with the same strength but enjoy my time with them differently. You will too.

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I look back now - and it's wierd how even having my twins first - I felt like I would lose time with them as my singleton arrived. Funny how we all go through that mourning.